you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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