goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
