Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
