wrigley field is MILF paradise
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
