Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
