Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize