i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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