I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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