No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
