The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
