I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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