How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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