he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
