how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
