evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
