apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
