About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
