Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
