sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
