Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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