Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
