I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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