The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
