yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize