just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
