you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
