I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize