It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
