i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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