In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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