Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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