So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
