there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize