I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
