she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
