I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
