Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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