I wannas sexs uuuuu
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
