Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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