The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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