Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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