I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
