i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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