I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
