then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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