she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
