So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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