I met the friendliest cop last night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
