i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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