Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
