Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
