lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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