the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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