Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
