You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
