Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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