I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
