Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
