No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
