i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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