just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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