My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
