Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
