Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
