I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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