She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im part way to drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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