lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
