If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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