My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
