i permit you to call me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are two peas in an std pod
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
