Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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