wake up i wanna do it froggy style
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize