Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
