I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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