he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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