Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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