Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
