i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
