one two three fourrrrnication!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
